Survive: to remain alive or in existence after

Survivor: One that survives; someone capable of surviving changing conditions, misfortune, etc.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Fix It Mode

Hearing of my childhood abuse was not new to my husband.  Early in our dating years Lynn had sprung it on him.  The two of us had been at Raul's apartment with Lynn and her boyfriend.  I think I was nineteen or twenty.  Lynn called me into his bedroom, she was sitting on the bed.  She asked me to sit down as she began to cry. 

"Do you ever think about what happened to us when we were little" Lynn asked.

As quickly as she brought it up, it was gone.  We quickly explained to the guys that He had molested us as children.  No details, no timelines.

For my husband, he figured that if Lynn and I were okay with the abuse, then he could be too.  However, the recent events would change that and change it quick.  Hearing of the abuse and seeing how it affected us he started to have a hard time with the facts.  

Somewhere during my meltdown I had explained to Raul what had happened.  I remember crawling into my bed, crying like I have never cried before.  When I finally come around  I hear Raul on the phone with my  counselor who I had recently told of my childhood abuses, concerned that I was having a breakdown of some sort.  I remember thinking that I needed to pull myself together for my children and slowly I crawled from the bed.

Seeing me in such emotional pain as a result of my Mother's decision put Raul into protection mode.

He went into "Fix It Mode", which I was not aware of until it was simply too late.

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